I am a recent recipient of Pay It Forward. A generous and anonymous person who “truly believes in my ability as a therapist” has made a donation that has enabled me to expand my practice in a new location, specifically the Lotus Centre in Brookvale. In the spirit of Pay it Forward the gift was in the form of a anonymous donation and it was a complete surprise to me and has left me feeling very grateful but also very curious.
WHO did this???
Who do I thank? – I know it is not a family member, believe me I have interrogated them at some length and made them promise me it was not them. It is not friends, again I have asked and been told by the people I thought most likely that it was not them.
It appears I’m not to know – difficult and exasperating for me. But to who ever you are thank you for your gift and even more so thank you for your trust and encouragement of my work as a therapist. I am very touched and heartened by your belief in me.
But this Pay It Forward has done more than perhaps was intended, it provided me the opportunity to face my attitude toward giving and receiving.
Two things this Pay It Forward has taught me;
I’m not a very good receiver. I am good at giving and when I am able to be a giver my life is enriched, giving is in fact a gift to myself. But for me to be a giver means that someone needs to be a receiver. As a result of this Pay it Forward gift, I have come to realise that not to receive with love and gratitude deprives another of the gift of giving. I hope I can hold onto this awareness in the future. So to you the Pay It Forward giver I accept with gratitude and love your gift and also your kind thoughts, support and encouragement.
I need to learn to accept. At first I felt a big responsibility to Pay It Forward straight away. So my immediate response was – OK, how do I pay this forward NOW ? And to who? There is so much need in the world. It felt like I had just been passes the parcel at a birthday party that needed to be passed on quickly to the next person in the circle. I had missed the point. I came to understand that it was ok to just accept and hold onto the beautiful intention of the gift and that the next recipient would become obvious in time. I realised that I would know when it was right and who it should be. I have come to understand that I needed to wait with patience for the right moment so as a result I have notice that my awareness is heightened of opportunities for giving and caring for the people I come into contact with in everyday situations. I do try to pay it forward in little kindnesses everyday (some days I am better at it than others). And I look forward to soon becoming aware of the right moment to do for another what was done for me.
WITH GRATITUDE AND A LOVING HEART THANK YOU
Counsellor and Gestalt therapist
M: 0419 041 642